I had a bit of a wakeup call recently. I realized that I'm really quite satisfied with myself as a person. I have lots of friends, an amazing boyfriend, and I'm really good at saxophone (music in general) and I'm pretty good at school, in general. That's all fine and dandy, sure. I could be ok staying the way I am for a long time, maybe forever. I could stay the Kim that doesn't really piss people off, who doesn't get in anybody's way, who tries her hardest to be agreeable to everything and to just get by without making a scene. But the thing is, what if I would be happier as a different Kim?
So I decided I need to make some big changes. The way that I am, I'm getting by without acheiving my goals to be a leader and teach people what comes naturally to me. I'm so afraid of being bossy and controlling because I know I've had problems with that in the past, that I'm not even willing to speak up when I hear or see something obviously wrong. So now I'm going to be courageous and just go for it. So what if some people get annoyed? It's better to try and see it doesn't work than to be too afraid to even go there. I'm too indifferent about everything. Maybe I need to be a little more intense to get my point across.
I complain a lot about people not seeing, appreciating or noticing me, but in truth, I know that it's my responsibility to make a change and MAKE them see me. It's my responsibility to make things happen for me. Recognition and privilege may be handed to some people, but I guess I'm one of those people that'll have to work my ass off to get it. That seems weird to me, because this is kind of the first thing I've ever been forced to put an effort into. Before this, everything's just kind of come naturally. School, easy. Music, easy. Friendship, moderately easy. I can get by without putting any work into anything.
So here's to the new me. I want so badly to change. But I really don't know where to start. Being the awesome friends you people are, if you have any help for me, please offer it because I don't know what I'm doing.
Rest of my life: Not so easy.
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I know no one reads this, but it's still interesting to write. By the way, it's a moblog 'cause I write wherever I feel like it, and post it on here later.
Other people
About Me
- Kim
- Hmmm... what to say about me... I play the saxophone. That's pretty important. I also play various other instruments and sing, so I guess to describe me its all about the music. And the random thoughts.
Butt Whoopin' List
- My work ethic - 'Cause sometimes some stuff actually needs to get done.
- The annoying elementary school kids on my bus - For rapping about STD's
- My Phone Rules - Or rather, not my rules but the rules of the person I talk to most.
- My dot at the end of Mvmnt 1 - For being way too far away and being exactly parallel to where I am before.
- Me - For being neurotic and OCD.
- David - For being so annoying and stupid.
1 comment:
Well, I think becoming more confident is a really good change. But try and remember who you started out as. I like you the way you are, Kim.
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