TMNT?

Have you ever wondered about the thought process that led to the creation of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"? I mean, how whacked out would you have to be. Here's my interpretation of how that went.

Person A: Guys, we need a new idea for a tv show. The market is high and so are we.

Person B: Ok, the characters are teenagers, cause what other group of viewers has this much time to watch tv? So we've got that.

Person C: And they should be ninjas!! Yeah, ninjas are cool. Hi-Yah!

Person D: But hasn't teenage ninjas already been done? It's not cutting edge enough... What issues are going to confront these teenage ninjas? What differentiates them from other teenage ninjas?

A: Yes, it does seem a little mainstream.

C: Mutants!! Mutants are awesome!!

B: Ok, fine. They're now teenage mutant ninjas. Good enough?

D: I'm going to be cynical again and say that it's still too predictable. I mean, it's rather obvious. How else are your average teenagers going to become ninjas? Be taught by a giant rat? No, of course they're mutants.

A: But what kind of mutants? Aren't mutants supposed to look weird or be socially repellant? Yeah, any mutants I know aren't stealthy enough to be ninjas.

B: So what kind of physical or mental anomaly should these teenage mutant ninjas have?

C: TURTLES!!! I love turtles! All..... turtley and whatnot.

D: It's a little out there, but I can dig it. Any other ideas? Teenage mutant ninja turtles... sounds like something we could make some dough off of. B, you call the boss to set up a presentation meeting.

B: Sure. Next business, what should we have for lunch?

C: Sandwiches! Now who doesn't like a good sandwich? Sandwiches are soooo cool. I wanna be a sandwich.

*brief awkward silence*

A: Shut up C. You're a moron.

Back to the Blog!!

I have nothing to write. Other than I realized that I wrote a ridiculous amount in January and almost none in February and now in March! This must change. Also, my last few blogs have been really quite depressing. I'm not that much of a whiny, down person. Really, I'm not. I'm a happy, perky person! Almost a little bipolar in that way... Except I don't punch people. Not that that has anything to do with anything.

Song writing!! I'm in a rut. I have nothing but crap, corny lyrics and only a part of one good song. Although it's quite the downer, being about homelessness and all.

Best boyfried in the whole world! I know some of you (coughameliacough) doubt my capacity for a good, lasting relationship. BUT I have proved you people wrong again, and again, and again, and lately, again again. Got the point? But yeah. So, as you could tell by my last two posts, I was really really down earlier this week, but now I'm much better. And you wanna know who's the cause of that? (well, the main one. you other good friends helped too). It was my most amazing, most excellent, most wonderful, compassionate, caring boyfriend, Nico. When no one else could really make me feel better, he made a point of being there for me. I can't imagine what I would have done without him. I think this might be what people sing about in crappy love songs that make single people pissed and 13 year old girls who date high school boys swoon. I don't want to be one to brag, but I am the luckiest girl in the world right about now and I hope it stays that way.

Lose Myself

Sorry for yet another depressing post for you people, but I just watched an Eminem video and now I'm saddish. And now for the worry! In free-verse poem format, ooooooh. (for those of you less educated than I, that means no, rhythm, no rhyme, no rules)

Why do you suppose I'm me?
I know, but do you?
Does anyone really know me?
Or do they just see what's in front of me?
I'm stuck in the background
I guess
It's not who you are
But what you accomplish
What have I accomplished in this world?
People don't know
They only know when I lack it

I'm scared

Of becoming nothing but a relative
Nothing but his girlfriend, her friend
Stuck in the background
I don't know where to go
If I lost it, what would I be?
If deafness falls upon my ears, blindness upon my life
Of becoming normal
Losing my edge
My music, my talent
My self

I'm sorry

For validating myself by you
For following, not leading
For being confused
For distracting
For being so high maintenance
That I take your time, make it my own, just because I need you
For making you read this sad poem.


[Ok, that's it. I'm actually not even that sad, but it's just good to let it out sometimes. Besides, the disorganization of free-verse is so... freeing. Anyways, back to optimism! Oh, and feel free to decipher the bold and italic words. Not that they mean anything in particular.]

Envy - The Sweetest Sin

Today was blocking camp at band, and I did really well I think. Nine times out of ten I was right on my dot, I knew where I was going next, and my music sounded perfect too. I was pretty darn happy with myself. That was, until the great green monster of jealousy reared its ugly head. I won't name names, not that it matters as he never reads this anyway, but I'm in a moral dilemma here. I love this person so very much, more than I thought was possible a while ago, but I get so jealous of him sometimes that it hurts.
I just wish people would see me as they see him. I KNOW I can do just as good. I KNOW I'm a good marcher and an even better musician. Hell, I might even be a stronger musician than him, but it doesn't matter if I am. I just want people to know who I am and what I can do. But the thing is, you might be thinking "just put yourself out there more!" but I do the best I can being stuck at the very back of the field the whole time, away from my section. I do the best I can marching the most difficult instrument to march. But I just can't shine as much as him. He gets to play above the whole band, all the staff know who he is cause they always have compliments for him, but I just blend in the background because that's who I'm MEANT to be. Sure, I love watching him in the spotlight, and I love that he gets all those privileges, but you see, I just want my turn. I sound like a spoiled three year old, but that's what I think.
And the worst part is, that I wouldn't even mind quite as much that no one else knows who I am and what I can do, but even he doesn't see it. He keeps saying that we're equal and all, but I'm so worried that he doesn't actually believe it. After all, he never gets to see me at my best, or at all.
I love him and his music and his marching, but I just wish he would love my music too. After all, I'm nothing without it.

PS: If you (meaning you, who I love so much but feel so unequal to sometimes) are reading this, don't take this to mean that I'm mad at you. I'm more mad at myself. Sure, sometimes it bothers me the way you are, but much more often I love everything about you and without you I guess I don't even know what I'd do. Although, I don't even know why I'm writing this 'cause you never read this anyways (also, not mad about that, I know it's just the kind of person you are)

How I Get By

It seems everyone around me is collapsing under the pressure and stress of life. They're just squeezing by, and it scares the bejeezus out of me that I can't help them at all. Thinking about this made me think, just how do I get by without feeling like that too? Like everything's just piling up and nothing has a point anymore?

It's always concerned me that I don't get worked up about the same things other people do. Others freak out about homework, school grades, extracurriculars, I freak out about friendships, and how people see me (and how I see them). For instance, other people freak about how school is controlling their life. I don't. The way I do it is that I always have something to look forward to. For instance, this past week things could have been really tough. Homework piled up on me from every angle, I was having problems with the new marching for the show, and it was just pretty tough. But all week I was looking forward to last night, the CRUB dance. It's pretty weird that something that straightforward can keep me calm all week. And I know I might be the only person around that can get by like that, but it's just the way I work.

What sucks though is that whenever people get really messed up and depressed and they come to me, I don't know how to empathize with them. And so that really frustrates me cause I can't exactly tell people in their hour of need "sorry, I don't get depressed. can't help ya there!" Because I really DO want to help, I just have no idea how!

I'm so messed up...